What does being sex positive mean and what does it imply in terms of a sexual relationship? The term “sex positive” can be interpreted in different ways, but overall we see it as being comfortable with your sexual identity, being non-judgemental of your sexual behaviors and that of others, and viewing sex as an exciting and positive part of your life.
We explore the topic of being sex positive in light of embracing your sexual experiences and connecting with your core erotic goddess. Whether you are in a sexual relationship, have sex regularly, or are currently not having sex, you are still able to embrace your sexual self at every point in your life. We spoke with tantric expert Stefanie Marco about this topic for her guidance and insight.
What does it mean to be sex positive?
Firstly, explore your own feelings about sex. Throughout our lives, we’re bombarded with opinions and messages about our sexuality. There’s a lot of shame around sex and self-pleasure for so many of us, even though it is a hugely natural and beautiful part of our lives! Question if deep down you don’t feel completely comfortable with sex, your sexual being, and your sexuality, and take some time to understand the reasons behind that, unpacking all the messages you’ve been met with throughout your life around this topic.
Becoming more sex positive is a process. Sometimes we can focus on what we think sex should be like, and how we should behave, rather than what actually makes us feel good. This is why it’s so important to discover how to connect with our sexual self so that we can pleasure ourselves, and, if we decide to, take that experience into the bedroom with others.
How can we connect more with our sexual self?
Connecting with your sexual self is about being truly honest with yourself. Your sexual relationship with others and with yourself is about understanding our experience of pleasure, of fantasies and desires, of shame that has been placed on us.
Stefanie says: “Firstly, understanding that our sexual self isn’t about sexualization. Feeling and being sexual doesn’t make you or another an object. Being sexy positive is knowing we are NOT OBJECTS. We are walking miracles and our bodies, our sexual nature isn’t perverse, shameful or a sin.
Our sexuality isn’t an identity or mask, it isn’t something we take or have taken, it isn’t dependent on labels, it is a gift of truth and innocence. When we are awakened to both our light (how we wish to be seen and how the world mostly sees us ‘the good girl/boy’) and our darkness (fantasies and desires, shame, even inner wounds that ask to be replayed in sexual contexts to subconsciously derive pleasure from an otherwise unhealed element of self ‘the bad girl/boy’) when we can see these aspects for what they are, integrate and heal them through the lens of love, intimacy and our hearts, we begin to merge both aspects into acceptance as a whole and authentic person.
We don’t need to ‘sell’ ourselves as sexy or liberated or nice and virginal - we simply are and can be exquisitely BOTH. Our sexual self becomes a foundation of deep love, expansion and manifestation and a place where we can go deeper. Yes baby!”
Steps to become more sex positive
Stefanie notes two actions we can take to become more sex-positive.
- Reframing sexual intimacy: “Instead of seeing sex as something rebellious, taboo and naughty we see sex as part of everything everywhere, we become one with it and it is always happening everywhere - it is our freedom not a prison. To do this, true intimacy and reframing of sexual intimacy is needed. Facing ourselves and allowing space for all of who we are to be welcome."
- Take a break from porn: “I suggest taking a break from porn which ‘tells us’ what sexy is and in essence what we are via our sexuality. It’s a trap. Sexual maturation and healing seeks the deep beauty of ourselves as divine and aligns us with our sexual nature which has nothing to do with being an object or having a kink. Our sexual nature is the window to our soul’s true power and creation. Our sexual nature is infinitely creative.”
How to rediscover the full potential of our sexual energy
Stefanie explains: “We don’t ‘discover’ sexual energy. In Tantra, we remove the blocks which have kept us from our truth which has always been there. Love is the only truth. What is blocking us from love is always a veil of ignorance.
More concretely, balancing the nervous system via Tantric Yogic practices and deep self-reflection are the tools I use. Being in a state of giving with yourself and your partner and honoring yourself and them as a God or Goddess, respecting sovereignty, masculine and feminine energies and differences needed to balance partnership, expand consciousness, sexual polarity and directing this energy to that which you wish to expand and heal. Acting in ways that honor this sacred power. Having true reverence for life and the mirrors we provide each other. It can be as simple as an orgasm or as grand as your heart’s desire. When we are creating from the heart everything is possible.”
To learn more about Tantric Yogic practices and self-reflection tools, take a look at Stefanie’s 6-week course “The Elements of The Awakened Goddess”. During the course, you will meet online every other week from September 26th - December 8th 2021. Stefanie will guide you through various principles of Tantra, Yoga, Pranayama, self-reflection, shadow work and meditations to move you into your sacred bodies, hearts and sisterhood for opening you up to the gift of your uniqueness and strength of woman’s uniquely divine essence.
A huge thank you to Stefanie for her wisdom and insight on this topic.